REVISION EXERCISE

The following two essays were written on the topic “Positive or Negative Effects of Television.” Both are unified, and both are supported. However, one communicates more clearly and effectively. Which one, and why?

Harmful Effects of Watching Television`

In a recent cartoon, one character said to another, “When you think of the awesome power of television to educate, aren’t you glad it doesn’t?” It’s true that television has the power to educate and to entertain, but unfortunately, these benefits are outweighed by the harm it does to dedicated viewers. Television is harmful because it creates passivity, discourages communication, and presents a false picture of reality.

Television makes viewers passive. Children who have an electronic baby-sitter spend most of their waking hours in a semiconscious state. Older viewers watch tennis matches and basketball games with none of the excitement of being in the stands. Even if children are watching Sesame Street or The Electric Company, they are being educated passively. The child actors are going on nature walks, building crafts projects, playing with animals, and participating in games, but the little viewers are simply watching. Older viewers watch a studio audience discuss issues with Phil Donahue, but no one will turn to the home viewers to ask their opinion.

Worst of all, TV presents a false picture of reality that leaves viewers frustrated because they don’t have the beauty or wealth of characters on television. Viewers absorb the ideas that everyone else in the United States owns a lavish apartment, suburban house, sleek car, and expensive wardrobe. Every detective, police officer, oil baron, and lawyer, male or female, is suitable for a pinup poster. The material possessions on TV shows and commercials contribute to the false image of reality. News anchors and reporters, with their perfect hair and make-up, must fit television’s standard of beauty. From their modest homes or cramped apartments, many viewers tune in daily to the upper-middle-class world that TV glorifies.

Television discourages communication. Families watching television do very little talking except for brief exchanges during commercials. If Uncle Bernie or the next-door neighbors drop in for a visit, the most comfortable activity for everyone may be not conversation but watching Wide World of Sports. The family may not even be watching the same set; instead, in some households, all the family members head for their own rooms to watch their own sets. At dinner, plates are plopped on the coffee table in front of the set, and the meal is wolfed down during the CBS Nightly News. During commercials, the only communication a family has all night may consist of questions like “Do we have any popcorn?” and “Where’s the TV Guide?”

Television, like cigarettes or saccharine, is harmful to our health. We are becoming isolated, passive, and frustrated. And, most frightening, the average viewer spends more time watching television than ever.

THE BENEFITS OF TELEVISION

We hear a lot about the negative effects of television on the viewer. Obviously, television can be harmful if it is watched constantly to the exclusion of other activities. It would be just as harmful to listen to records or to eat constantly. However, when television is watched in moderation, it is extremely valuable, as it provides relaxation, entertainment, and education.

First of all, watching TV has the value of sheer relaxation. Watching television can be soothing and restful after an eight-hour day of pressure, challenges, or concentration. After working hard all day, people look forward to a new episode of a favourite show or yet another showing of Casablanca or Red River. This period of relaxation leaves viewers refreshed and ready to take on the world again. Watching TV also seems to reduce stress in some people. This benefit of television is just beginning to be recognized. One doctor, for example, advises his patients with high blood pressure to relax in the evening with a few hours of television.

In addition to being relaxing, television is entertaining. Along with the standard comedies, dramas, and game shows that provide enjoyment to viewers, television offers a variety of movies and sports events. Moreover, in many areas, viewers can pay a monthly fee and receive special cable programming. With this service, viewers can watch first-run movies, rock and classical music concerts, and specialized sports events, like European soccer and Grand Prix racing. Viewers can also buy or rent movies to show on their television sets through videodisk players or videocassette players. Still another growing area of TV entertainment is video games. Cartridges are available for everything from electronic baseball to Pac-man, allowing the owner to have a video game arcade in the living room.

Most important, television is educational. Preschoolers learn colors, numbers, and letters from public television programs, like Sesame Street, that use animation and puppets to make learning fun. Science shows for older children, like 1-2-3 Contact, go on location to analyze everything from volcanoes to rocket launches. Adults, too, can get an education (college credits included) from courses given on television. Also, television widens our knowledge by covering important events and current news. Viewers can see and hear presidents’ speeches, state funerals, natural disasters, and election results as they are happening. Finally, a television set hooked up to a home computer can help its owner learn how to manage the household budget, invest in the stock market, or master a foreign language.

Perhaps because television is such a powerful force, we like to criticize it and search for its flaws. However, the benefits of television should not be ignored. We can use television to relax, to have fun, and to make ourselves smarter. This electronic wonder, then, is a servant, not a master.

UNITY

The following essay is on the topic “Problems and Pleasures of the Teenage Years.” Does it make its point clearly and effectively? Explain.

PROBLEMS OF ADOLESCENCE

In the unreal world of television situation comedies, teenagers are carefree, smart, wisecracking, secure kids. In fact, most of them are more “together” than the adults on the shows. This, however, isn’t how I recall my teenage years at all. As a teen. I suffered. Every day, I battled the terrible physical, family and social troubles of adolescence.

For one thing, I had to deal with a demoralising physical problem -- acne. Some days, I would wake up in the morning with a red bump the size of a tail-light on my nose. Since I worried constantly about my appearance anyway, acne outbreaks could turn me into a crying, screaming maniac. Plastering on a layer of orange-coloured Clearasil, which didn’t fool anybody, I would slink into school, hoping that the boy I had a crush on would be absent that day. Within the last few years, however, acne treatments have improved. Now, skin doctors prescribe special drugs that clear up pimples almost immediately. An acne attack could shatter whatever small amount of self-esteem I had managed to build up.

In addition to fighting acne, I felt compelled to fight my family. As a teenager, I needed to be independent. At the time, the most important thing in life was to be close to my friends and to try out new, more adult experiences. Unfortunately, my family seemed to get in the way. My little brother, for instance, turned into my enemy. We’re close now, though. In fact, Eddie recently painted my new apartment for me. Eddie used to barge into my room, listen to my phone conversations, and read my secret letters. I would threaten to tie him up and leave him in a garbage dumpster. His would scream, my mother would yell,, and all hell would break loose. My parents, too, were enemies. They wouldn’t let me stay out late, wear the clothes I wanted to wear, or hang around with the friends I liked. So I tried to get revenge on them by being miserable, sulky, and sarcastic at home.

Worst of all, I had to face the social traumas of being a teenager. Things that were supposed to be fun, like dates and dances, were actually horrible. On the few occasions when I had a real date, I agonized over everything -- my hair, my weight, my pimples. After a date, I would come home, raid the kitchen, and drown my insecurities in a sea of junk food. Dances were also stressful events. My friends and I would sneak a couple of beers just to get up the nerve to walk into the school gym. Now I realize that teenage drinking is dangerous. I read recently that the number one killer of teenagers is drunk driving. At dances, I never relaxed. It was too important to look exactly right, to act really cool, and to pretend I was having fun.

I’m glad I’m not a teenager anymore. I wouldn’t ever want to feel so unattractive, so confused, and so insecure again. I’ll gladly accept the crow’s feet and stomach bulge of adulthood in exchange for a little peace of mind.

Additional information for advanced writing:

PATTERNS OF ESSAY DEVELOPMENT

Traditionally, all writing has been divided into the following forms:

· Exposition

Examples Comparison and contrast

Process Definition

Cause and Effect Division and classification

· Description

· Narration

· Argumentation and persuasion

In exposition, the writer provides information about and explains a particular subject. The patterns of development include:

(1) giving examples,

(2) detailing the process of doing or making something,

(3) analyzing causes or effects,

(4) comparing and contrasting,

(5) defining a term concept,

(6) dividing something into parts or grouping it into categories.

A description is a verbal picture of a person, place or thing. In a narration, a writer tells a story of something that happened. Argumentation or persuasion is an attempt to prove a point or defend an opinion.

These nine patterns can help organize material in your writings as each has its own special strategies for giving order to your ideas to suit your aim/topic of writing. While going through the essays, keep a few things in mind : An essay might involve one predominant (main) pattern, very often 2 or more patterns are used. (the first essay “Everyday Cruelty”, includes elements of examples as well as narration), Your essay in almost any form will involve some form of argumentation. You will advance a point and go on to support the point. To convince the reader that your thesis is valid, you may use a series of examples, narration, comparison and contrast and other forms or organization.

To illustrate the use of these methods of development we will look at the features of three essays : (using examples, cause and effect and argumentation patterns).

Revision Activity

1. In each essay identify the thesis statement and the topic sentences of each content paragraph.

2. Identify the main pattern of development in:

i) “Everyday Cruelty”

ii) “The Joys of an Old Car”

iii) “Teenagers and Jobs”.

3. In “Everyday Cruelty” which 2 sentences in paragraph 4 should be omitted in interest of paragraph unity?

4. In “Teenagers and Jobs” which paragraph develops a point by citing and then refuting a point of view?

5. Rewrite the thesis statement in the “Joys of an Old Car” to include a plan of development.

6. In the same essay what are the three transition words that signal the three major points of support?

EVERYDAY CRUELTY

Last week, I found myself worrying less about problems of world politics and national crime and more about smaller evils. I came home one day with a bad taste in my mouth, the kind I get whenever I witness the little cruelties that people inflict on each other. On this particular day, I had seen three especially mean-spirited things happen.

I first thought about mean-spirited people as I walked from the bus stop to the office where I work. I make this walk every day, and it’s my first step away from the comforts of home and into the tensions of the city. For me, a landmark on the route is a tiny patch of ground that was once strewn with rubbish and broken glass. The city is trying to make “pocket park” out of it by planting trees and flowers. Every day this spring, I watched the skinny saplings put out tiny leaves. When I walked past, I always noted how big the tulips were getting and made bets with myself on when they would bloom. But last Wednesday, as I reached the park, I felt sick. Someone had knocked the trees to the ground and trampled the building tulips into the dirt. Someone had destroyed a bit of beauty for no reason.

At lunchtime on Wednesday, I witnessed more meanness. Along with dozens of other hungry, hurried people, I was waiting in line at McDonald’s. Also in line was a young mother with two tired, impatient children clinging to her legs. The mother was trying to clam the children, but it was obvious that their whining was about to give way to full-fledged tantrums. The lines barely moved, and the lunchtime tension was building. Then, one of the children began to cry and scream. The little boy’s bloodcruding yells resounded through the restaurant, and people stared angrily at the helpless mother. Finally, one man turned to her and said, “Lady, you shouldn’t bring your kids to a public place if you can’t control them.” The woman was exhausted and hungry. Someone in line could have helped her with her problem. Instead, even though many of the customers in the restaurant were parents themselves, they treated her like a criminal.

The worst incident of mean-spiritedness and I saw that day happened after I left work. As I walked to the bus stop, I approached an old woman huddled in a doorway. She was wrapped in a dirty blanket and clutched a cheap vinyl bag packed with her belongings. She was one of the “street people” our society leaves to fend for themselves. The United States, the richest country on earth, should not allow such suffering. Some of these victims even live in cardboard boxes during the coldest winters. Approaching the woman from the opposite direction were three teenagers who were laughing and talking in loud voices. When they saw the old woman, they begin to shout crude remarks at her. One of them grabbed her shopping bag and pretended to throw it out into the street The woman stared helplessly at them, like a wounded animal surrounded by hunters. Then, having had their fun, the teenagers went on their way.

I had seen enough of the world’s coldness that day and wanted to leave it behind. At home, I huddled in the warmth of my family. I wondered why we all contribute to the supply of petty cruelty. There’s enough of it already.

THE JOYS OF AN OLD CAR

Some of my friends can’t believe my car still runs. Others laugh when they see it parked outside the house and ask if it’s an antique. But they aren’t being fair to my fourteen-year-old Datsun. In fact, my “antique” has opened my eyes to the rewards of owning an old car.

One obvious reward is economy. Fourteen years ago, when my husband and I were newly married and nearly broke, we bought the car – a shiny, red, year-old leftover-for a mere $1800. Today it would cost five times as much. We save money on insurance, since it’s no longer worthwhile for us to have collision coverage. Old age has even been kind to the Datsun’s engine, which required only three major repairs in the last several years. And it still delivers twenty-six miles per gallon in the city and thirty-eight on the highway-not bad for a senior citizen.

The second benefit is dependability. If a Datsun passes the twenty-thousand-mile mark with no major problems, it will probably go on forever. Our Datsun breezed past that mark many years ago and has run almost perfectly ever since. Even on the coldest, snowiest mornings, I can count on my car to sputter to life and roll surefootedly down the driveway. The only time it didn’t start, unfortunately, was the day I had a final exam. The Datsun may have the body of an of an old car, but beneath its elderly hood hums the engine of a teenager.

Last of all, there is the advantage of familiarity. When I open the door and slide into the driver’s seat, the soft vinyl envelops me like a well-worn glove. I know to the millimeter exactly how much room I have when I turn a corner or back into a streetside parking space. When my gas gauge is on empty, I know that 1.3 gallons are still in reserve and I can plan accordingly. The front wheels invariably begin to shake when I go more than fifty-five miles an hour, reminding me that I am exceeding the speed limit. With the Datsun, the only surprises I face are the ones from other drivers.

I prize my fourteen-year-old Datsun’s economy and dependability, and most of all, its familiarity. It is faded, predictable, and comfortable, like a well-worn pair of jeans. And, like a well-worn pair of jeans, it will be difficult to throw away.

TEENAGERS AND JOBS

“The pressure for a teenager to work is great, and not just because of the economic plight in the world today. Much of it is peer pressure to have a little bit of freedom and independence, and to have their own spending money. The concern we have is when the part-time work becomes the primary focus, “says Roxanne Bradshaw, educator and officer of the National Education Association. Many people argue that working can be a valuable experience for the young. However, working more than about fifteen hours a week is harmful to adolescents because it reduces their involvement with school, encourages a materialistic and expensive lifestyle, and increases the chance of having problems with drugs and alcohol.

Schoolwork and the benefits of extracurricular activities tend to go by the wayside when adolescents work long hours. As more and more teens have filled the numerous part-time jobs offered by fast-food restaurants and mall stores, teachers have faced increasing difficulties. They must both keep the attention of tired pupils and give homework to students who simply don’t have time to do it. In addition, educators have noticed less involvement in the extracurricular events many consider healthy influences on young people. School bands and athletic teams are losing players to work, and sports events are poorly attended by working students. Those teenagers who try to do it all-homework, extɲacurricular activities, and work-may find themselves exhausted and prone to illness. A recent newspaper story, for example, described a girl in Pennsylvania who came down with mononucleosis as a result of aiming for good grades, playing on two school athletic teams, and working thirty hours a week.

Another drawback of too much work is that is may promote materialism and an unrealistic lifestyle. Some parents say that work teachers adolescents the value of a dollar. Undoubtedly, it can, and it’s true that some teenagers work to help out with the family budget or save for college. However, surveys have shown that the majority of working teens use their earning to buy luxuries-stereos, tape decks, clothing, even cars. These young people, some of whom earn $300 and more a month, don’t worry about spending wisely-they can just about have its all. In many cases, experts point out, they are becoming accustomed to a lifestyle they won’t be able to afford several years down and road, when they’ll no longer have parents to pay for car insurance, food and lodging, and so on. At that point, they’ll be hard pressed to pay for necessities as well as luxuries.

Finally, teenagers who work a lot are more likely than others to get involved with alcohol and drugs. Teens who put in long hours may seek a quick release from stress, just like the adults who need to drink a couple of martinis after a hard day at work. Stress is probably greater in our society today than it has been at any time in the past. Also, teens who have money are more likely, for various obvious reasons, to get involved with drugs.

Teenagers can enjoy the benefits of work while avoiding its drawbacks simply by limiting their work hours during the school year. As it often the case, a moderate approach will be the most healthy and rewarding.

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