Revision 1

WRITING A THESIS STATEMENT (Revision)

Activity

This activity will give you practice in writing an effective thesis – one that is neither too broad nor too narrow for the supporting points in an essay. An added value of the activity is that sometimes you will construct your thesis after you have decided what your supporting points will be. You will need to know, then, how to write a thesis that will match exactly the points that you have developed.

1. Thesis :_________________________________________________________

a. My first car was a rebellious – looking one which matched the way I felt and acted as a teenager.

b. My next car reflected my more mature and practical adult self.

c. My latest car seems to tell me that I’m aging; it shows my growing concern with comfort and safety.

2. Thesis : _________________________________________________________

a. Going to a two-year college can save up to $10,000 dollars in tuition.

b. If the college is nearby, there are no room and board costs.

c. All the course credits that are accumulated can be transferred to a four-year school.

3. Thesis : _________________________________________________________

a. First, I tried simply avoiding the snacks aisle of the supermarket.

b. Then I started limiting myself to only five units of any given snack.

c. Finally, in desperation, I began keeping the cellophane bags of snacks in a padlocked cupboard.

4. Thesis : _________________________________________________________

a. The holiday can be frightening for little children and can encourage vandalism in older ones.

b. Children can be struck by cars while wearing vision-obstructing masks and dark costumes.

c. More and more incidents of deadly treats filled with razor blades or contaminated with poisons are occurring.

5. Thesis :_________________________________________________________

a. First of all, I was a typical “type A” personality: anxious, impatient, and hard-driving.

b. I also had a family history of relatives with heart trouble.

c. My unhealthy lifestyle, though, was probably the major factor.

LIMITING A TOPIC AND WRITING A THESIS

Activity

Look carefully at the ten general and limited subjects below. Then see if you can write a thesis for any five of them.

Hint: To create a thesis for a limited subject, ask yourself. “What point do I want to make about __________________________________________ (my limited subject)?”

	*General Subject*		*Limited Subject*
1.	Apartment	1.	Sharing an apartment with a roommate.
2.	Self-improvement	2.	Behavior toward others.
3.	Family	3.	My mother
4.	Eating out	4.	Fast-food restaurants
5.	Automobiles	5.	Bad driving habits
6.	Health	6.	Regular exercise
7.	Owning a house	7.	Do-it-yourself repairs around the house
8.	Baseball	8.	Free-agent system
9.	Parenthood	9.	Being a single parent
10.	Pollution	10.	Noise pollution

Thesis statement for five of the limited subjects:

_______________________________________________________________________________________

SUPPORTING DETAILS

The first essential step in writing a successful essay is to formulate a clearly stated thesis. The second basic step is to support the thesis with specific reasons or details.

To ensure that your essay will have adequate support, you may find an informal outline very helpful. Write down a brief version of your thesis idea and then work out and jot down the three points that will support that thesis.

Here is the informal outline that was prepared by the author of the essay on movie going:

Movie going is a problem.

1. Getting there

2. Theater itself

3. Patrons.

An informal outline like this one looks simple, but achieving it often requires a great deal of careful thinking. The time spent, though, on developing a logical outline is invaluable. Once you have planned out the steps that logically support your thesis, you will be in an excellent position to go on to write an effective essay.

Activity

Complete the following informal outlines, by adding a third logical supporting point that will parallel the two already provided.

1. At our school, the library is the worst place to study.

a. Uncomfortable chairs and tables

b. Little privacy

c. ____________________________________________________________

2. College students should live at home.

a. Stay in touch with family

b. Avoid distractions of dorm or apartment life

c. ________________________________________________________

3. _________________________________________ is the worst job I’ve ever had.

a. Difficult boss

b. Poor pay

4. College is a stressful situation for many people.

a. Worry about grades

b. Worry about being accepted

c. _________________________________________________________

THE IMPORTANCE OF SPECIFIC DETAILS

Just as a thesis must be developed with three supporting points, those supporting points must be developed with specific details. Specific details have two key values. First of all, details excite the reader’s interest. They make writing a pleasure to read, for we all enjoy learning particulars about people, places, and things. Second, details serve to explain a writer’s points. They give the evidence needed for us to see and understand general ideas.

All too often, the body paragraphs in essays contain vague generalities rather than the specific supporting details that are needed to engage and convince a reader. Here is what one of the paragraphs in “The Hazards of Moviegoing” would have looked like if the writer had not vividly detailed her supporting evidence.

Some of the other patrons are even more of a problem than the theater itself. Many people in the theater often show themselves to be inconsiderate. They make noises and create disturbances at their seats. Included are people in every age group, from the young to the old. Some act as if they were at home in their own living rooms watching the TV set. And people are often messy, so that you’re constantly aware of all the food they’re eating. People are also always moving around near you, creating a disturbance and interrupting your enjoyment of the movie.

ADDING DETAILS TO COMPLETE AN ESSAY

Activity

The following essay needs specific details to back up the ideas in its supporting paragraphs. In the spaces provided, add a sentence or two of clear, convincing details for each idea. This activity will give you practice at supplying specific details and an initial feel for writing an essay.

Life without Television

When my family’s only television set went to the repair shop the other day, my parents, my sister, and I thought we would have a terrible week. How could we get through the long evenings in such a quiet house? What would it be like without all the shows to keep us company? We soon realized, though, that living without television for a while some activities alone, to complete some postponed chores, and to spend rewarding time with each other and friends.

First of all, with no television to complete for our time, we found plenty of hours for personal interests. We all read more that week than we had read during the six months before.

______________________________________________________________________________________

We each also enjoyed some hobbies we had ignored for ages.

______________________________________________________________________________________

In addition, my sister and I both stopped procrastinating with our homework.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Second, we did chores that had been hanging over our heads for too long. There were many jobs around the house that had needed attention for some time.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

We also had a chance to do some long-postponed shopping.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

And each of us also did some letter writing or other paperwork that was long overdue.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Finally, and probably most important, we spent time with each other. Instead of being in the same room together while we stared at a screen, we actually talked for many pleasant hours.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Moreover, for the first time in years my family played some games together.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________

And because we didn’t have to worry about missing this or that show, we had some family friends over a couple of evenings and spent an enjoyable time with them.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Once our television set returned, we were not prepared to put it in the attic. But we had a sense of how it can take over our lives if we are not careful. We are now more selective. We turn on the set for our favorite shows, certain sports events, and the news, but we don’t leave it running all night. As a result, we find we an enjoy television and still have time left for other activities and interests.

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